Weeks ago, I started a post. I did not publish it. Then I started again. Never hit publish I thought about what I wanted to say. And didn't write anything down. In each of these instances, I ended up in tears. Finally, I spoke with my husband and my friends about what had been bothering me. Chrissy Teigan had recently announced that her son had been stillborn. This is devastating. I was so sad for her and her family. I was also jealous. She held her baby, for however short of a time it was. But she got the privilege of holding him. I was not so lucky. 24 years ago, I was dating a great guy and had discovered that I was pregnant. We were excited and began making plans for our future. Sometime later, I was bleeding. Doctors discovered there was no longer a baby. It was early enough in the pregnancy that this could happen. I was young. There would be more. I wanted that one, though. My first baby. The loss hurt. ...